It’s way too hot and humid to even think about thinking. There are so many people on the island you believe it’s about to tip over and sink. How do you survive August in Mallorca?
Many of my friends simply hide away. They take coffee in the cool of early morning then vanish for the day. At night, they loiter in the bar until the waiters begin to whistle. But they don’t go to the beach and they take pride in being as un-sunkissed as possible.
And they complain.
I used to be like this but it kind of defeats the object of being on the island on the first place – unless you enjoy being perpetually irritated. A few days ago, though, I had a revelation of sorts. I entered into a state I call Mallorca Mellow.
What is Mallorca Mellow?
Mallorca Mellow is when you accept that you can do absolutely nothing about living in a giant sauna for a month, when even the wind is sometimes hairdryer hot. You learn to cherish the light breezes that very occasionally come dancing in through your open window.
It’s when you acknowledge that the people lolling on the beach are not one single, irritating blob of oily humanity but fascinating, oddly-shaped miracles of nature. Each with their own hopes, dreams, desires and enormous tattoos.
It’s when you stop wishing that there was such a thing as a giant slime bazooka so you could spray the Jackson 5 tribute band that ritually murders ‘Can You Feel It’ by the pool of the hotel across from your apartment every night and start to admire the lead singer’s dark side of the moonwalk.
It’s when you’re no longer horrified by the way the sea has turned a weird, pondy kind of green and become curious about what kind of new half-man half-plastic bottle creature you might be evolving into.
It’s when you find it funny that the very same bracelets sold to you by the friendly Looky-Looky Man on the beach – made, he assured you, by his family in Senegal – are on sale in the tourist tat shop near your apartment.
It’s when you finally understand that if you’re going to enjoy August in Mallorca you’re going to have to surrender. But when you do surrender everything changes.
The benefits of Mallorca Mellow
Put simply, Mallorca Mellow is a state of not caring. And, because you no longer care, everything becomes much easier. You still have sleepless nights but you drift through the days. You pour with sweat but you’re cool, dude. You see the timeless beauty of the island behind all the cement and exhaust fumes. You’re filled with gratitude that you have the opportunity to be here not just in August but whenever you like.
When you stop caring, you enter into a wonderfully creative space somewhere between dreaming and reality.
Best of all, it’s so easy to become Mallorca Mellow. Take a deep breath, breathe out, let go and embrace August in Mallorca. It’ll be September before you know it.